Yeah so I don't know whats up with me today but I am usually an upbeat person. I am not a happy camper today. First of all, I have not been feeling well for a week now. I am having a hard time breathing in the mornings, plus a dry hard cough.
Hmmmm, maybe I should go to the doctor, nah. I am getting a little bored recently with everything going on in my life. I don't really do much other than Nursing school, studying, working EVERY weekend. I knew school would be academically challenging but I think I was more worried about me getting into a rut r/t being bored. I have no time to do anything, I guess that is good considering I have no $$$ to go along with it. I want to move, this place is too small. I want a house NOW. I am now taking care of my sister's recently widowed bird. So what did I decide to do but get another one to keep it company. They are so loud,
OMG. I can't even think when they are going to town on the chirping and whistling.
lol They are too cute thou. My cat, "Lola" has been sick recently. She will lay on me or next to me and sneeze,
ALOT. I will be studying with my books on the desk or on the bed and she will jump up and lay right on my books. My mother is a
stress. She works all the time, making good money yet she can't pay her bills. I say I don't get it but I lie. She spends all her money on things that make her look good, make her look like she is "well off" to all her friends. She actually calls me and asks me for money, me who works 16 hours a week and still pays all my bills. All I ever wanted from her was some sort of support system. I could go on there but I want to stop thinking about her right now. My sister is divorced with 2 kids. She needs a swift kick of reality. She works 4 days a week not even 8 hour shifts. My family pays some of her bills, they are paying off her college loan for beauty school.
LOL... She uses her money for spin classes and massages. When I say my family I mean my grandmother, and my 3 great aunts. If it were not for them I would have moved
soooooo far away from here by now. They have supported me in anything and every aspect of my life, unconditionally. I will and must graduate for them if not for myself. I am extremely lucky and spoiled when it comes to them. =) I am the oldest grandchild and oldest niece. They think I can do anything I put my mind to, they have
definitely instilled that into my brain and for that I thank them every chance I get.
I turn on the TV and it is so sickening to watch some of this stuff. With the elections, it is a leap of faith right now that either candidate will do what is right. I used to like R&B, hip-hop, and some rap music. I am so disgusted with the attitudes and choice of words towards women and others that are in this music anymore. If you ever wondered why young adults hurt and kill each other, you don't need a degree for that one. Just listen to Jay Z,
Akon, Young
Jeezy... they are telling them "if you do this, cause this is what I did, you will have a diamond necklace, big house, 4 cars". It's all very disturbing. These kids don't know any better, their dad is no longer in their lives. Their mother is probably working 2 jobs and probably shuns them away when she does get free time. Schools are so crowded and packed that teachers don't even know these kids names to hold them accountable. It's just a mess. See, I told ya I was in a foul mood today. Every country hates us. We are snobs to other
countries, we could save you... Shit we are a mess. I am 31 and I feel like I am 40. I don't drink, I don't go to bars or clubs anymore. I am bored, and when I am bored I start to do things I should not be doing. I have always been a person who welcomes change, change is a good thing. As I have been getting older, I have always been one to get what I want. If I wanted it, not because of being spoiled but because of being determinate, it was mine. The problem I am having these days is that I am getting so close to getting something, my gosh darn conscience is getting in the way. I used to be so inventive and driven that I had so much fun. For reasons known and unknown I am not like that anymore, I think that is what I am missing.
I have recently started a new course at school, mental health. I had, in '95, gone to another college in the area and taken a handful of addiction studies courses. Even back then I just knew it was something I was really interested. So, as I was saying, I have a mental health class. I am just
lovin it right now. I, for the first time EVER, am ahead of the class scheduled readings.
lol I do understand that some people will look at me and ask me why. It is not for everyone and I get that. I think I like the interaction part of it, the patience part of it, the non-judging part of it. Everyone has their problems. One person might spend too much
freakin money and can't pay their bills, some may sleep with everyone they see, another may use drugs. All these problems disrupt a NORMAL life, name 1 person with a NORMAL life. Some problems are looked down upon, some problems you can't even see, and some problems are glorified. So... after all this whining I have been doing I have realized something again. I am a god damn good person and many people will benefit from me being a god damn good person. =) Go
Phills !!!
